Sometimes, I get strange emails!

Not a lot of people use that contact link in the upper right. You can, you know. In fact, I’d love it if you did. It may give me some sort of writing prompt and I could use those right now.

If you can’t tell, I am writing these the day I publish them – instead of what I was doing, which was writing a bunch and having them set to publish at 10:00 Eastern. Why? My damned creativity bone is broken.

I got a lovely email on Monday. It was signed with a username some folks might recognize but, I’ll spare them – this time. After all, it could have been someone just pretending to be them.

I don’t want to cut and paste, as the writing style is pretty unique. So, I’ll paraphrase.

Letters From You!

Well, the missive basically boiled down to them telling me that playing music was the devil’s work and that I should have the cops called on me (and they seem to have a strange idea about a lot of things) for contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

They seem to think that there will someday be mob justice and musicians will be hung by the neck for propagating the work of Satan. They’ve deduced that I’m a Satan worshiper and seem to think I engage in child sacrifice.

I admit, I giggled. Initially, I was just going to ignore it, but I figured it was too good to not share and respond to.

Now, I’m not really a Bible reading man, nor do I actually believe in any supernatural phenomena. But, I have done some reading.

I’ve decided to agree with them!

Well, no…

See, I recollected this gem:

His brother’s name was Jubal; he was the father of all who play stringed instruments and pipes.     –Genesis 4:21 NIV

Except I didn’t really recollect the whole story that came from – so I am going from memory. Feel free to collect me if I’m wrong ’cause I’m not going to go read the whole passage.

If I recall correctly, this dude named Cain killed his brother. Capital punishment hadn’t quite been invented yet and they just kicked his ass out of the area. He then stomped around and actually had a productive and fruitful life, after he meandered some distance away and found another group of people to associate with.

And, by fruitful, I speak of his loins. His loins were mighty and fruitful – proving that the ladies loved bad boys all those years ago! Dude commits the first recorded homicide and gets massively laid as a reward!

Now, I’m pretty sure (and I’m going by memory – so don’t judge me too harshly) that Jubal fella was one of Cain’s sons. Fruitful loins and a lack of birth control has an effect.

Well…

So then we must make a bit of a logical leap. Why would you write down someone was the father of all who played stringed instruments and flutes?

The answer is obvious, folks…

It was a bitchin’ solo.

The dude was Ian Anderson, before Jethro Tull even existed!

It’s the Bible! They don’t just put unimportant things in it. Nope! So, what is more important than a bitchin’ solo?

Nothing.

Nothing is more important than a bitchin’ solo.

And, he was the son of that dastardly (but quite productive and successful) dude Cain. He was also the father of that whole bit about flutes and stringed instruments. And he was also the Mesopotamian father of the bitchin’ solo!

So, yes. I have to agree with ’em.

I’m pretty much the same thing as Satan. I’m corrupting the youth and teaching them to worship the devil by carrying on the tradition of playing bitchin’ solos.

Which makes me think that ol’ Sheol thing might be actually a bitchin’ eternal jam session. But, I’m not gonna speculate too much.

Of course, it’s pretty even odds that it was just someone attempting to troll me. Either way, I think it’s safe to say the bitchin’ solo has a long and storied history – even of biblical proportions! Until next time…

Shut up and play us a song!

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