TheBuddha Writes a Bad Review!

So, as I’ve told you, my creativity bone is broken. Yup, busted up real goodly. I’m late, again. I couldn’t think of anything to write about.

I have a spare article. I’m saving it. I also had today’s show postponed, due to weather. So, I figured I’d not use that one today. I figured I’d write something different today, but couldn’t think of anything to write.

By the way, for those following along, the eldest hoodlum is pretty damned grumpy about today’s show being called off. It’s okay, it’ll give her time to practice some more.

Anyhow, today I’m gonna write a bad review. It’s a bit generic, but it’s a sentiment I’ve had for ages.

Don’t Buy a Fender Acoustic!

One of my favorite sayings is that a Fender acoustic is like a Martin Electric. It’s generally a horrible idea and was a horrible idea from the start.

For what you’ll pay for a Fender acoustic, you can get a better sounded guitar with a Yamaha or an Ibanez. With the latter, you’ll get a lot of guitar for your money. With the former, you’ll get great precision and workmanship.

Does Fender make good acoustic guitars? Sometimes… There were some in the 70s that weren’t too bad. The Japanese arm of Fender might release one out of a dozen that has a good tone. There are some higher end acoustics that are playable – but if you’re paying those prices there’s many, many better choices.

In my life, I’ve given Fender four chances (new guitars only) for an acoustic that I wanted to keep. Three went back and I kept one as my fireside guitar – it’s got singe marks on it, actually. I give zero shits about that guitar and I may someday giggle hysterically while I toss it on said fire.

They’re generally garbage.

Of those four, two came with intonation so far out that I wasn’t even going to try to fix it and the last one had the bracing loose enough that tapping the top made a strange extra thunk noise. You could reach in and wiggle it with your fingers.

I do own some acoustic Fenders beyond that, but all were used when I bought them.

I dislike Fender acoustics so much that, not only is it my fireside guitar, I allowed someone to stick a sticker on the top. Those that know me will attest to my love of purity and how much I must not give a shit to allow the guitar to be defiled like that.

I dislike Fender acoustics so much that my standing offer for a playable used Fender ends at $100 – and I don’t care what model it is. I don’t care if you bought it last week for $300. I’ll give you $100 for it – and that’s probably only because I like you.

I buy a lot of guitars, both new and used. Fender acoustics aren’t really on my list of guitars I want to own many examples of. My collection does just fine without them.

The tone of that $300 Fender can be matched by a guitar that’s $100 less expensive. The quality is probably better, as well. I don’t know what the fuck they’re doing, but they’re doing it wrong.

Don’t even get me started on their bolt-on neck models. Taylor managed to pull that off, but they have a vast history with acoustic guitars. Not so with Fender. Ol’ Leo was pretty much all about the electrics and they just don’t have that heritage – and, well, it shows.

What can you expect?

A thin tone, little base, poor sustain, inferior craftsmanship, and an overall tinny sound with the exception of a very small portion of room where you can make a decent attack.

Can you make it sound good? Sure, you play *too* the guitar you’re playing and you use your skills to adjust your playing to match the qualities of the guitar. But, even at its best, it will not sound as good as other guitars in that same price range.

They’re garbage. Well, that’s a little strong. At worst, they’re trash. At best, they’re mediocre. When someone tells me they just bought a new Fender acoustic, I smile and congratulate them – ’cause the damage is already done.

Now, once in a blue moon they make one worth playing. I’m told the 2017 and 2018 model lineups have some gems in them – but I’m not gonna buy one to test this.

They also don’t stand up to wear very well. You’ll find neck warping, top de0lamination, bridges needing to be reset, broken nuts, loose tuning kit, and (strangely) I’ve even heard of (but not personally seen) truss rods somehow rusting. I’m not even sure how they did that?

So, don’t buy one – unless you know what you’re doing, are getting a great deal, or just don’t give a shit. They’re just not worth the risk or the dollars. You won’t be happy, if you’re a new player. You won’t keep playing it. You won’t want to practice. You won’t advance. Buy something better.

Well, so much for ever being sponsored by Fender. Oh well… Fuck ’em… They don’t make good acoustic guitars and should just exit the market, or push them all out of Fender Japan. They’re pretty horrible. Until next time…

Shut up and play us a song! (Even if all you have to play it on is a Fender acoustic.)

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